I’m back!
There’s something about school holidays that means, unless you actually ‘go on holiday’ you can have all the time off in the world and still feel pooped! At least that’s how it feels here. I suppose we did have a bit of a project week. The Bear, was fast approaching her eighth birthday and had certainly hit a point when she was ready to segue into her pre preteen years.
Cue ‘The decoration of the bedroom of the chiiilld!’
A couple of years ago we had scooped her and all her belongings up and moved her from the small bedroom to a bigger bedroom, out of fear that we may become swamped by all her toys that seemed un’corral’able due to lack of space. It was now clear that the time had come to redecorate and have a good declutter.
I spent a couple of happy weeks collating Pinterest boards full of antique furniture, nature print fabrics and zingy wallpapers. We know that her tastes will change but we wanted to provide her room with ‘good bones’ that would see her through – a non little girl wall colour, a wardrobe to hang her clothes, a desk that she could craft and work at and most importantly, lots and lots of storage.
Anyone who knows me knows how much I adore interiors. I’m an upcycler, a lover of retro and quirky, I like well crafted furniture that has seen life and love. Even though my work spaces are generally calm and colour neutral, at home I love pattern and all things bold and bright.
However, I also know that my tastes are not everyone’s cup of tea, so I made sure that the Bear had plenty of choice and input as we dreamt up a vision for her room. I’m a big believer in creating a space that provides you with your own personal medicine.
A kids room should, in my opinion, be more than just functional, it should (if possible) also provide sanctuary and scintillation in whatever mix that particular kid requires. I feel that about all interior spaces really. In fact I’d love to teach a course around this – let me know if you’d be interested!
So here’s where things get interesting. It’s almost obligatory to take a trip to IKEA when remodelling any part of our home, and off we trotted. Mostly we were there to get inspiration (at least that’s what I thought). My kid however is cut from a different cloth to me. Whilst I am happy to peruse, I like to stroke the fabrics and get a feel for the quality of the schmutter, she on the other hand makes very quick forthright decisions.
My personality wants to override this tendency in her, I’ll admit it. I think for many of us as parents we see ourselves as custodians of our childrens taste, that we get to make the decisions on high ticket items or items with longevity. A part of me says how can she be right if she’s choosing quickly?? I got a fresh reminder of this in the curtain department.
Okay, so remember my Pinterest board: zingy; fresh; floral? This was top of mind when I was thinking about fabric.
However, kiddo falls in instant love with curtains that were certainly NOT on my board, not even close. I mean if my board had been labelled “Things Madonna might make a lounge suit out of in the 90’s”, then yeah, we would have been bob on.
The Bear picks the shiniest, silkiest, most mustardy, goldiest curtains we ever did see.
Yuck.
Her room is to be painted turquoise. We’ve picked the most beautiful deep sea green for the wardrobe, and my kid picks frickin’ TRACKSUIT fabric to hang at the windows!
Like I said, it got interesting.
As you may already have assumed I was NOT psyched with this choice. Dammit, I’d spent AGES on that mood board. I KNEW what her room should look like. This was really INCONVENIENT!!!!
If you’re the daughter of a mother, or the mother of a daughter, you’ve probably experienced this swell of feeling too. I’m getting good at spotting the cause of my anger or annoyance with her as I get wiser, and I realise that generally the root of both of these emotions is Inconvenience.
As is often the case, I had in my mind’s eye, already decided how things were/are going to play out. And YET, here I am, with the child that I have raised over the past eight years to believe in her right to choose, to speak her desires, to be her own person. So when she disagrees with my viewpoint, or decides that she knows her own mind better than I do, even though it stings, even though I am a teensy wincy bit pissed off (okay, more than a little pissed off.) I can take solace in the fact I’m getting something right!
So we had a discussion. I said that I wasn’t in agreement, but I would honour her taste and we would buy her curtain choice, BUT on the condition that until the room was painted, the curtains would have to stay in the pack.
And you know what, the Bear was right.
Those unzingy, solid coloured shiny shiny beasts look lovely. They’re an unfussy choice that adds cohesion to the scheme rather than battling for attention like Carmen Miranda in a Fruit Market. They suit her temperament and she’s far less likely 6 months down the road to turn around saying she hates them, because she got to exercise her choice in the first place.
Why am I telling you this?
Well, I think oftentimes in familial relationships we get angry and frustrated with others because their choices and actions are inconvenient to us and this creates knee jerk responses.
If you give yourself the opportunity to step back and take a breath, you create the space to ask whether there really is fuel in the fire, does it in reality cause harm or damage? Or if your reaction is such because actually just that you don’t like their choice, it isn’t what you would like for them or choose for them?
As parents and siblings (in particular) we like to make the decisions. Sometimes we justify it as wanting to keep people safe, or protect them from harm. Sometimes we do it to feel that we are important and therefore valid (this can include elements of power or control either consciously or subconsciously). But if we recognise that our response is conditioned rather than authentic, we can then change our behaviour. When we change our behaviour we can create more harmonious lives.
So there ya go, a little slice of Ekins life and the continuing lessons it teaches me. If having read this, you feel that you could do with a breath of fresh air in your life, maybe we should work together? Set up a chat or dive straight in here.
Now I must go, I’ve got Madonna on the line asking if I can run her up some jogging bottoms.
Big love,
Carrie