It’s a funny ol’ game isn’t it, life!?
I mean, how many of us have had those moments where we quietly decide, or loudly proclaim, that we are ‘changing our lives for the better’, and vow to create a version of life that feels shiny and in alignment
A bit like joining a gym in the 1st week of January, it can be hard to keep up the momentum, and we can find ourselves sliding into ‘old habits’ and wondering why change is so damn hard.
So why is it So. Damn. Hard?
Your nervous system has a few answers I think. Whether we like to admit it or not, sometimes being ‘stuck’ in the same job, same relationship, or just the ‘same old same old’ has the comfort of familiarity. For example, cyclical patterns and behaviours are understandable and unsurprising, we recognise when situations need diffusing and know how to do that. Even if we don’t like it, we recognise it and it feels familiar. Familiar is good, familiar is, as far as your nervous system is concerned, safe.
Remember, your nervous system’s number one priority is your survival. It needs you to stay safe, even if that means limiting change. The stress response is monitored by the part of your brain that was the earliest to evolve – the limbic system, and it hasn’t caught up with changes in society, so it perceives pretty much all threat as being akin to a potential sabre tooth tiger attack. Deadlines, break ups, uncomfortable questions, anything that makes you feel a bit nervous and sweaty – that’s a sabre tooth tiger right there.
And you’re thinking, but I only want to ask for a pay rise, how could my nervous system possibly prang out about that?
Every person has a different tolerance for threat and stress. This means that individual nervous systems are calibrated to deal with potentially stressful situations differently. Partly this is learnt behaviour based on previous experience, the way in which you were raised or even through generational experience and trauma, partly it comes from genetics – it’s just the way you’re wired. Let’s face it, even in prehistoric times, there would always have been a joker on point for wrestling a sabre tooth tiger!
So if your nervous system feels calm and relaxed about the situation you’re more likely to take a ‘risk’ – again something such as a change in career or breaking up with a partner. But if there’s a portion of you doubting the outcome,even subconsciously, the likelihood of the change successfully taking place is less.
What can you do about this, I hear you ask?
Being grounded in your body is a great first step. Allowing yourself to come out of thinking and back into feeling. This could look like meditation, breathwork, movement – particularly slow movement out in nature where you give yourself the time and space required to connect back into the bigger environment.
A great muscle activation that allows you to recalibrate your nervous system is to rub your sternum – the bony bit in the midline of your chest, whilst breathing deeply in and out drawing the breath down to your belly. Being mindful of your surroundings and the sensations in your body as you breath is a great addition to this very simple technique.
Rubbing your sternum connects you brain to your diaphragm and your vagus nerve, which is responsible for moderating your stress response, so this activity is a double bonus!
Once you feel more present in your body it’s a lot easier to create new habits and tackle situations that may feel stressful.
If you have decided that you’re ready to create beautiful, life affirming change and you’d like to be supported to do this in a way that honours you in all ways, mind, body and soul, my programme Glorious may be just the container you need.
Glorious is a 6 part course designed to give you clarity around what you want your world to look like, in a way that makes you feel happy and giddy, plus the confidence to go out and get it. You can find out more and sign up here.
